I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
