So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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