I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
