Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
