I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
