and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
