It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
