We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to have your abortion
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
