I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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