You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
