I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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