Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
