if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
