I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
