Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize