Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
