You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
