I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
