I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
