my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
