i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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