you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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