This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
