my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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