Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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