I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
