Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
