I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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