dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My ass is underappreciated
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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