I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
