Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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