I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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