I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
