my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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