And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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