Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
