dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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