If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
