i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
