Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just high enough for therapy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
