God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
