Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
