TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
