Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
