I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
