I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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