I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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