So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
