Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
