I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
