Plan B is the new Plan A
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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