chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
