oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
