I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
