Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so let's talk penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
