You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize