I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
