I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
