i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize