My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize