just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
