Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
