Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
