I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
