At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
